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Sunday, April 23, 2006

Philandering philanderers.

A friend of mine recently broke the news that her picture-perfect marriage is over; her husband and the father of her three children had cheated. Not only that, but it wasn't the first time. I'm so mad for her. "Don't be," she said, but I can't help it. What the hell is the deal with this rampant dishonesty?
Look, I understand that men are walking sperm producers capable of single-handedly impregnating every female in Europe, but they're also partners in a society that has agreed upon monogamy. You make the commitment, you stick it out. If it doesn't work, that sucks and at least you tried, but you don't go philandering while still reaping the benefits of a relationship. It's just wrong, for women as well as men.

After her announcement, I started thinking about all the people I know who have been cheated on. Very few of them are male. Sure, women cheat, but my personal experience is that men do it a whole lot more. Thinking on it further, I was shocked to realize that, with the exception of one, many of my relationships were tainted with cheating too.
My first boyfriend I can't blame at all. I wasn't ready, my best friend was, and he was 14.
I had to say buh-bye to number two when he answered the phone thinking I was another girl that my friends told me he was seeing behind my back. It was a total high school drama thing, and I think I could have handled it better if she hadn't been this giant brute keen on doing me physical harm. Eew, how attractive.
Boyfriend number three was just this side of abusive. I was only too happy to hear he was seeing his ex behind my back as it gave me a way out of the relationship.
Number four was one of my all-time favorite guys ever ever ever. Still to this day, I only wish the best for him and hope he's happy. Every once in a while I google him, but he doesn't have much of a presence in cyberspace. The major problem with my dear number four was that he was a serious pothead. Maybe that's why he didn't cheat? Sadly, that's the main reason I had to break up with him.
The next serious relationship I got into resulted in a diamond ring. Long story, but we didn't tie the knot. I don't think I could have married him after discovering the online affair he was having with some bored housewife who wrote to him, "I'm exercising every day so that I look good for you when I come up to see you." Um, yeah, that's definitely not husband material there.
And the last one, well, let's not even go there. Wow.

At first I looked at all this rampant cheating and thought, "Well, gee, the only common denominator is me," but no! I hear so many of my girlfriends (and occasional guy friends) complaining about cheating partners that it can't just be me. I look at people in the news and it's like non-stop broadcasting about who is cheating on whom - Brangelina, Claire Danes, KFed, comedian Ron White, etc etc etc - where does it end? Is that a societal norm now?
What is it that people get out of cheating? Is it just sex? Is it the thrill of that first romantic love that goes away after people get to know each other? Do people just not want to bother finding out what real partnership and commitment can offer?
posted by hilary at 9:35 AM |


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have decided that MATURE people who are self confident and sure of who they truly ARE do not cheat.


4/23/2006 11:13 AM  
Blogger Crayonsetc said...

Wow... we do have a lot in common... right down to the pothead boyfriend... except the cheating husband. Actually there have been times when I have wished he would cheat cuz then I would know he were normal... but he isn't!! He just doesn't like doing it... and it isn't just me!! But it has gotten to the point I have thought about cheating... but I am not one to step outside our marriage vow. Their time will come!!


4/23/2006 2:57 PM  
Blogger Roy said...

On behalf of all the honest, monogamous men out there, we're not all just trying to hump anything with a pulse. We do exist hilary, fear not.

For instance, I am 100% faithful to any woman I'm with, and I've never, ever, cheated on any of the ones I have been with. I've also had more than a few opportunities to. Tbh, I was suprised at how easy it was, and as such tend to think pretty low of any dude/dudette who can't be faithful.

The way I see it, if you're with the right person no one else really compares. :-)

4/23/2006 5:18 PM  
Blogger Roy said...

And now that I think about it, my last relationship showed me there are some things that are almost worse than being cheated on.

4/23/2006 5:22 PM  
Anonymous Jim Burke said...

What Jenna said. This is the thirty year mark for Emily and me. Clean record too. The idea of fidelity has been put down so long that it is expiring due to lack of interest. It is rampant in all associations,citizen/nation; employer/emploee; lovers; man/wife; parent/child. Just like a muscle if it's never used it goes away.

4/24/2006 11:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Very few of them are male."

I tend to notice that it is only when the guy won't cheat that the women does. But that's hardly scincefic. Also a few of the women I know who do cheat, tend to be either: Exploring for a new mate and to afraid to end the current relationship for varing reasons. Or had some kinda realization how easy men are to get in the sac and decide to go that route.

Of course being a guy who has been cheated on and betrayed more then once. I tend to think most women are really like that. I think I'm still bitter over the last one.


4/24/2006 3:14 PM  

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