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Friday, April 28, 2006

How to banquet.

Stuff I learned last night:
If you happen to find yourself going to a big banquet type dinner, and they ask you if you want chicken or beef, tell them you're a vegetarian. Even if you have to lie.
You end up with better food and the rest of your table will eye your scrumptious dish with envy as they compare it to the lifeless livestock lying on their plates.
Also, if you get there and there's already a salad at your place setting, don't wait around to see if you're supposed to start eating it because what will happen is they will come out with the main course and whisk your salad away without even warning you and you'll never see it again - especially those cute little radishes cut to look like flowers.
Lastly, assuming you have a choice, sit close enough to the ice water pitcher so that you can refresh your glass with ease, but not so close that the whole dinner everyone's asking you to fill their glass.

Oh, and if you have to keep giving multiple standing ovations, don't forget your napkin is on your lap.

And, if you're not sitting close to an exit, try not to drink coffee or tea. They are diuretics and you can only do the pee pee dance in your chair for so long before you're forced to get up and walk out of the door in front of 200 people during some big important speech.
posted by hilary at 3:28 PM |


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sound advise. I just couldn't help not finding it all funny to read though, specially the "coffee or tea" part.

4/28/2006 8:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

looks like "anonymous" never went to a banquet with important (long winded) speakers before huh?

I had to learn this some time ago...but I LOVE sweet tea. Guess who does a mean "pee pee dance"?

Love ya!


4/28/2006 9:36 PM  
Blogger Roy said...

Also, make friends with the people who are sorting out the seating arrangements, so that you aren't sat next to the annoying gay/confused dude who doesn't shut up about what people are wearing or the latest amazing event in his social life.

I used to think I was one of the most accepting people in my whole department, but lo and behold I had to request to my buddy to keep me out of earshot of at least 4 people from my year.

Either they're just becoming more irritating, or I'm becoming less accepting of idiots.

4/29/2006 7:58 PM  
Anonymous Mom said...

Great tips, Hilary!
In a room with a lot of tables, if seats are not assigned, I usually settle in early to find a spot with the most direct view of the podium. I introduce myself to the others at the table, especially the ones sitting next to me. If I get absorbed in conversation with the person beside me, I try to remember also to spend some time talking to the person on my other side.

4/30/2006 12:09 PM  
Blogger Josh said...

I agree, everyone should always order vegetarian! :-)

4/30/2006 9:19 PM  
Blogger ~ Jayme ~ said...

Ok, I'll try to remember these important tips when I attend a banquet again. ...vegetarian, request vegetarian!! No tea or coffee... Ok, I've got it. :) :)

5/02/2006 11:50 AM  

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