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Friday, January 27, 2006


I saw my crush today.
Not my today crush, my yesterday crush. My crush that lasted from Grade 2 through high school.
Despite his premature thinning hair, he's still adorable. Big smile, bright eyes... he's grown up to be a way better man than I'm sure any of his girlfriends' mothers ever predicted.

Back in the day he was sort of a wannabe bad boy. He's Mormon though, so the badness didn't sink further than the epidermal layer. No matter how many of the wrong sorts he surrounded himself with, he could never really be bad. Maybe that's why I always liked him; he had the rebel image without the actual sociopathic tendencies.
We were always friends, but he never liked me back the way I liked him. My angst-filled teenage years got a jumpstart when, in middle school, the object of my crush dated two of my best-friends consecutively.
In 7th grade, he gave me a sort of compliment that soothed my tattered 12 year old ego. Seeing me in a fitted dress instead of my usual black, breast-hiding, baggy clothes he asked, "Hilary, are you sucking it in?"
"Uh, no?"
"Wow, you're not fat."

He's got his own business in town now and is married with kids. I waved to him this morning as I pulled out of the coffee shop parking lot and he waved back in a "everyone-knows-me-so-I'll-wave-back" kinda way. Then I saw his eyes light with recognition, his smile widen, and his wave become a bit more animated.
No, I didn't stop to talk to him. It's been too long. I'd rather he live in my memory unfettered by current reality. The wave was just perfect.
posted by hilary at 12:22 PM |


Blogger Molly said...

You are lucky that your crush can go on living in your memory. When I saw my middle/high school crush post college he had turned into a druggie loser, a shell of his former self and I wondered if he had always been that way or just worse for the wear.

1/27/2006 3:11 PM  
Blogger Hilary-Dilary-Dock said...

Yea...Mormon! LOL! I'm a Mormon too...don't let that change your opinion of me!

1/27/2006 3:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Weird...I had a dream about my "first love" last night. I know he's a complete polar opposite of who I am today (let's just say he lives in Berkeley, CA) but my subconcious still insists on dredging up "what if". Funny! I have my cute husband, who needs what if.


1/27/2006 3:31 PM  
Blogger hilary said...

Hilary - i love mormons, they're some of the nicest folks i've ever met.

Jenna - it totally doesn't surprise me that your first love grew up to be a hippie. :)

1/27/2006 3:40 PM  
Blogger Tedd said...

I don't know about a crush, but my One-That-Got-Away has yet to marry. Now there's a bitter pill...

1/27/2006 8:20 PM  
Blogger :: Java Mama :: said...

Ah, I've held that exact wave...sometimes that's all it takes.

1/27/2006 10:15 PM  
Blogger Roy said...

Lmao at his comment.

Weird how when people don't have pictures of themselves I just get a mental image of them anyway, although I guess I assumed you looked like the girl on the top left of your page.

1/30/2006 8:20 PM  

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